


How Long's The Chain

by burning_nova



Series: The Ball and Chain [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, No Underage Sex, Power Imbalance, Unhealthy Relationships, implied infidelity, mentions of child abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, underage marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-02-26 23:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2670017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burning_nova/pseuds/burning_nova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint is seventeen and married to Phil Coulson.  Phil's not okay with that, even if Clint is.</p><p>Note: Chapter six was revised and reposted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in reading it. I tried writing a undercover mission fic which was unsuccessful. Mostly I ended up with too much jibberish. This is the 'wedding' portion of the fic with C/C which was the basis of the series:
> 
> http://burning-nova.livejournal.com/12319.html

“Nick, I think it’s time we end this.” Phil told him when he entered the office. Nick raised a brow. 

“End what?”

“Clint, the whole affair with him. I’m tired of it. Not to mention that he deserves normality for God’s sake.”

“You can go on to divorce him if you like, but don’t think I won’t support him going against it. I want him, he’s coming to SHIELD because of you. Do you honestly think I’d let an asset like that just walk out of my grasp because you can’t handle the mission-“

“There is no more mission!” Phil snapped. “There hasn’t for years. If you forgot, I am legally married. I have filed taxes with him. I have put him on my health forms and insurance because he’s my next of kin as my spouse. I’m also not heartless enough to leave him penniless if I die in the line of duty. 

“This isn’t a mission for him. Clint is-is obsessed with our-the marriage. He’s in therapy but it doesn’t help. You’d think that it was his birthday whenever the anniversary came around because of how excited he gets. 

“He’s moved on as it being a coping mechanism. This is his life. Once he turns eighteen I wouldn’t be surprised if he petitions the court for a name change. He thinks I’m not paying for it for his safety!”

“Then it sounds like the problem is you, Phil. You aren’t getting an easy divorce. Clint will drag it on for years if I have my way. So what are you going to do about it?”

“Does our friendship-“

“Mean less than national and global security? Yes.” Phil balled up his hands and left. He knew his face was flushed from humiliation and anger. He had no control over his life any more. He went into his office and locked the door. 

He put his head in his hands. What was he going to do? He glanced at the clock. More than half anday of work left, if he didn’t get entangled in an emergency…if he were allowed to go. 

He almost yelled in frustration. Clint came first now. Phil didn’t know if he could do this any longer as he had. He had ignored it with the expectation that it would be dissolved but Nick would place make it impossible for him to pursue divorce if he tried it.

Nick was right; Clint wasn’t the problem. Phil had to make changes. 

\----  
Phil was trying. He couldn’t say it was better but things had certainly improved. He felt like he had some more control now that he was working with what hand he was dealt rather. He was almost looking forward to his third anniversary. 

“Come on, Phil.” Clint wheedled as they passed the games toward their way to the check out. Phil sighed and looked at Clint’s pleading expression. “I could be my anniversary or Christmas gift.”

“Go get it, but it’s not our anniversary gift.” If only for the principle of it. “Or Christmas gift.” Because he’d feel like a cheap bastard since they could easily afford it. Clint gave a hearty cry and quickly grabbed the gaming console. He dragged it into the cart. Clint beamed. “You know you could afford this if you started saving your money.” Clint snorted.

“I used to, until I had to pay the phone bill. You give me three hundred dollars a month, Phil. One hundred and twenty dollars goes to the phone. “

“You wanted more responsibility with the bills. And that still leaves you almost two hundred dollars.”

“Yeah, if I didn’t pay for my own school lunches. We eat out like twice a month where I pay and I’m still paying Fury for my phone. I still think that’s unfair by the way; I didn’t break it. Not to mention your birthday was last month.” Phil frowned. “I mean I don’t mind giving your gifts, Phil, but you like expensive shit.”

“Language.” He hummed in contemplation. “We’ll go over the budget again this weekend.” Clint nodded but was distracted with the console. Phil smiled. They made their way to the check out. 

When they got into the car Clint was distracted with his cell phone. It was moments like this that starkly contrasted them. Phil couldn’t distance himself from Clint’s youth. No matter what circumstances they were in, Clint still acted like a child despite having more life experience than most people ever would. 

He drove them home. He almost grimaced at the thought. Home. Clint had moved in after his seventeenth birthday after Fury flat out told him he wasn’t babysitting anymore. Clint had been over the moon with the proclamation. 

Phil could feel a tension headache building and tried to focus on driving. New York traffic was horrendous. 

“Hey, Phil?” Clint called halfway through the journey back. Phil spared a glance at him before turning it back to traffic.

“Yes, Clint?”

“Thanks for the Xbox.” 

“You’re welcome, Clint.” Clint was silent and Phil knew he wanted to talk about something. “Is there something you want to discuss?”

“I…I don’t want you to think I was snooping, I wasn’t. I was cleaning and I moved your phone when it buzzed. I didn’t mean to look at it but I saw the message and I read it. I mean I don’t think you’re-you wouldn’t right? You said you weren’t…”

“Clint, what are you talking about?”

“Who is Audrey?” Clint asked simply and Phil felt like he’d been punched. 

“What did you see?” 

“She said about seeing you again?” Clint’s tone had taken a desperate edge. Phil took a breath. What could he say?

“I met Audrey on a mission.”

“Then why did she send you that text?”

“Because we’re dating.” Clint made a wounded noise.

“You said you weren’t cheating on me.” He sounded upset. 

“It was true the last time I told you. Clint, do you remember that conversation we had-“

“I just kissed a girl at that party! I told you and I didn’t do anything else. You asked someone out. You asked and how could you do that to me?” Clint voice broke. 

“Clint, it hasn’t gone anywhere. Audrey and I aren’t-I was asked her to dinner because I have needs you can’t meet. I’m not just talking about sex. I mean a certain level of conversation and life experience. That’s not your fault.” 

“I thought things were getting better.” Clint said hoarsely. “You-you were making me feel like this was home again. I thought you were starting to love me.” 

“I’m trying to work with you, to meet you half way.” Phil replied, honestly. “I care about you, Clint, but I don’t know if I love you. In any other circumstances I would be a monster marrying you.”

Clint didn’t say anything. 

When they arrived to their street, Clint leapt out of the vehicle. “Clint!” Clint turned his eyes flashing. 

“Fuck you, Phil. You’re not my father and you’re not acting like my husband so fuck you. Fuck you.” He looked angry. “We’re married and that means something despite what you think.” Clint looked at him. 

Phil got out and walked toward him. Cint glared. “Clint, let’s discuss this inside.”

“No.” Clint lifted his head high. “I’m not a little kid. You cheated on me. I don’t want you to come up.”

Phil felt sucker punched. “Clint, don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

“No. You cheated on me and tried to make it seem like it was okay. I’m not going to divorce you but I don’t want you home right now.” His expression turned into a heartbroken one. “I’m going to tell Fury. You’re not going to fuck me over like Barney.”

“You can’t compare what I did to that!” He said aghast, noticing they were drawing a crowd. “I didn’t –“

“It feels the same. You know why? ‘Cause I know what betrayal feels like, Phil.” Clint sniffled. “I’ll take the stuff up but you’re not coming up.”

Phil felt like he’d been floored. “I need things-“

“Then send Fury or a lackey over. You’re not coming up.” 

“Clint.” 

“No.” Clint snapped and opened the back doors of the SUV. He grabbed the purchases and turned to leave. Phil simply stared. He could go up but Clint wasn’t a wilting flower. He’d put up a fight. He looked at the neighbors peering out of the windows and the couple staring at him. 

He got into the SUV and drove, not quite certain where to go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, despite the content of the chapter this will not be heading toward a romance or justification of the underage marriage through romance.

After two hours of trying to call Clint, Phil admitted defeat and called Nick. 

"Coulson?"

"Nick."

"A personal call then." Nick replied, sounding pleased at the chance to gain another favor. "What do you need?" Phil summarized his situation. "Phil, I told you not to fuck up."

"I'm working on it. Just not tonight, alright? I'll fix it but I need my things."

"If I didn't trust you competence Phil I'd say more but I know when to choose my battles. I'll your things in the morning."

'"Alright, thank you." he said and headed toward head quarters. In the morning, Phil had his clothing delivered but in less than pristine conditions. He sent them to cleaners, paying for expedited service. 

He wore a wrinkled suit for the first time in a very long time. If he hadn't had a hectic week he knew rumors would have flown as to his stay even half of SHIELD thought he was married, which was honestly beside the point.

Clint refused to see him or answer his calls. Text messages were curt. Nonetheless, Phil still tried to talk to him.

On the eighth day he help Maria with the Avengers. He welcomed the action from an otherwise slow week (and when that had become his normal?). A minor player had wanted to rise in the ranks of his syndicate. Unfortunately he had joined forces with a more than mad scientist. 

The only bright spot, he thought, was seeing Captain America again. He still couldn't help his reaction, although he no longer looked as incompetent around the man. While they actually worked he was Agent Coulson, competent and deadly, but once the danger passed he felt like an idiot despite himself.

And then there was Tony Stark...There were times that Phil wished he had not met Tony Stark for his genius. Of course it had been Iron Man that had saved the day, too. 

He gave the scene one last look around. Everything was clear. He stepped into the van headed back to HQ. He managed to sit next to Black Widow and the Winter Soldier. The Russians glanced at him distrustfully. 

Once he would have stood where Maria stood, his career had been heading that way. 

Until Clint.

In another life, he might have been the one to bring in the two agents and not Maria. Hill had gained a lot of agencies' attention when she managed not only bring them in despite a kill order, but on top of that she had turned them. He had been helping Clint with his homework when Maria rang in her news. 

Another year and Clint would join as the Amazing Hawkeye. He had about six kills to his name that Phil knew of and that was before their marriage. If he found out Fury had been sending him out...

Phil's thoughts were interrupted by the exchange of Russian. It was clear they didn't think Phil understood. The topic was banal but Phil couldn't help but think of Clint. Clint's own life could have turned out similar to Romanova and Barnes', considered nothing more than a living weapon. He could have been honed through cruelty (more than already had been). 

The comparison left him uneasy. There was no doubt that Nick thought of him that way. Fury didn't create that Clint liked purple, hated eating fish or couldn't quite believe he wasn't pressed for food still. His dreams and aspirations had been largely led by SHIELD. 

Phil itched to return to his personal cell phone. 

He pushed the thoughts out if his mind whenever they came up. Things were not exactly the same. When they arrived at HQ he watched the Avengers' easy camaraderie. He wanted Clint to have that with people his own age. He followed them to debriefing. 

"Coulson," he looked at Rogers in surprise. "Good work out there. I heard you were good but haven't really seen it until now. We could use you more often."

Phil smiled. "Thank you, Captain. Unfortunately I'm not sure that's a possibility at this time."

"Come on, Coulson. What's keeping you? The missus." Barnes joked. 

"The missus doesn't mind." Phil replied blandly. "If only because there isn't one. You'd have to take it up with Fury. My duties keep me tied domestically."

"Then we will speak with Fury," Thor intoned seriously. Phil shook his head. He had led the operation that had introduced them to Thor, one of the few he had in the last few years. 

"Maybe at a later time." He answered evasively. "For now let's stay on point and wrap up this mission." The others broke into small conversation until the debriefing began. After Phil headed toward his office. His phone turned on slowly and showed he had three missed calls, from Audrey, and two text messages. One was from Clint. 

Come home tonight if you can. 

Phil sent back his confirmation at once. Audrey's text he left unanswered. He had to focus on Clint. It was around seven when he managed to get home. At that point he was exhausted and was not looking to his talk but knew it had to be done. He entered, walking up the three flights of stairs to the apartment. He didn't even get a chance to knock when the door opened 

"You look like shit, Phil." Clint said in surprise. 

"Language. And nice to see you too, Clint." He entered and shucked off his shoes and suit jacket. Clint hovered near by, anxious. "Just a long day."

"We don't have to talk today if your exhausted. I'm not unreasonable, Phil." Phil shook his head. 

"No, we need to." Clint looked at him. 

"Did you have dinner yet?" Phil shook his head. "Let's eat then we'll talk." Phil could have kissed him. (Figuratively.) Dinner was a simple sandwich but Phil felt energized after. They did not leave the table. 

"I've been thinking," Phil began. 

"Phil, wait," Clint interrupted. "Let me say something first, okay?" Phil nodded. "I get what you were saying last time. You and that woman share a lot of the same things, like I do with my classmates. I know that's been an issue with us. I mean, you don't think I'm a complete moron when you talk about like cassettes because the circus had a lot of old stuff. 

"We have a lot of things in common, Phil. You just haven't given us a real shot to work on them. We're both awesome shots for one and we both like superheroes, like real ones. Those are just two I can think of. "

Phil sighed. "You're right. I haven't given this, our marriage, a chance. Clint you know this isn't just about interests, our age is a big factor. I have a lifetime on you. I don't want to hold you back. It's unfair to you."

"You don't get to decide that," Clint said emphatically. "You can't just make that decision for me. I have had a few years to think about it and I'm happy here. I know it's not normal. I don't want normal. I want you."

"Clint, you can't know that."

"I do. Maybe in a few years I'll be unhappy and think you're right. But when lived with Fury I had a pretty normal life most of the week. I don't think I'm missing much. If, if I change my mind we can get a divorce." Clint sounded frightened with the last statement. 

Phil nodded. It looked like Clint didn't know about Fury's full involvement. No divorce and Clint wouldn't let him see others. He took a deep breath. 

"You have a point. Okay, okay." He nodded. "Then let's give this a try. You're old enough."

"Phil?" Clint obviously hadn't expect that. 

"I don't mean sex, Clint. That is off the table for the foreseeable future. If we're going to make this marriage work, I need to work with you."

"You're too obsessed with sex, Phil. I mean I get it but sheesh." But Clint looked pleased. Then his expression turned sour. "What about her?"

"I'll end things with Audrey." 

"I want to be there when you tell her."

"Clint, I don't think that is a good idea."

"Yes, Phil or else how do I know your ending things? You, you don't have to tell her about me. I know how it looks. I just want to make sure you're not lying to me." He gave him the same wounded look as before. "You hurt me, Phil. I don't know if I can trust you like before."

"I'm sorry, Clint. There is nothing I can say, I know that. I can't make any promises as how we will go but I can tell you I'll try. I'll try with you here and when you join SHIELD. "

"Thanks, Phil." 

Clint got up and pulled Phil out of his chair. He placed himself in his arms. This was the Clint Phil recognized. The one who clung to him for comfort and safety. He felt Clint tremble and Phil held him. 

Phil sighed. One foot forward and he still felt like he was headed no where.


	3. Chapter 3

Phil loaded the dishwasher and closed it with a sigh. He was out on medical leave and the downtime was killing him. The mission had ended in a clusterfuck, which only added to his restlessness. 

He sat down in the living room and tried to watch TV. He picked up his phone. Nothing. He hobbled to the bedroom and opened the door slowly. Clint slept softly, tired after a day of training. His summer vacation had started, Fury had piled on the training as if he didn’t have him on a regular routine throughout the year.

Phil walked to end table on his side of the bed. He reached for the book he had been reading before bed when he could. Clint stirred softly and looked at him through glassy eyes. 

“Phil?”

“Go to sleep, Clint. I’m just getting my book.” Clint hummed and drifted back to sleep. Phil walked back to the living room. He gave up reading after half an hour. It was no good. He could not concentrate on anything. 

The fleeting thought of contact Audrey but he dismissed it quickly. It had been a few weeks since their end. What he needed was company, he thought. Only Jasper, Fury and Maria were on active duty. Phil did not have any other friends. Work and Clint made sure of that. 

Even Clint would be welcome company with his fatigue. As if called by that very thought, Clint stumbled out of the room. His hair was mussed from sleeping. Phil noted that his clothing didn’t fit him quite as well as before. Judging from the way the hem of his pants were sitting above his ankles, Clint had grown again. 

“Phil.” Clint muttered and fell next to him. “I can’t sleep.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. Fury is a sadist.” He yawned. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing.” Phil replied honestly. Clint hummed again, tired but looking content. Phil turned on the TV. Clint took the opportunity to place his head on his shoulder. Phil shifted to accommodate him. It was part of Phil’s effort to work on their marriage. 

They watched Dog the Bounty Hunter, made tolerable by their commentary. When the episode ended, Phil looked at Clint to ask what he wanted to watch. He stopped at Clint’s look. He was picking at his shirt hem, one of Phil’s old t-shirts. He glanced at him, his bit his lip nervously. 

“What is it?” Expecting for Clint to ask for a kiss. 

“Fury wants me for a mission.” Phil’s good mood vanished. 

“What?”

“He wants me for a mission. Covert, he says no one would expect me for the shot they have proposed.” 

“You’re not part of SHIELD.”

“He said I’d come in as a consultant of sorts. He used more technical terms, but that’s the basics of it.”

“Clint.” Phil didn’t expect to feel the anger he did at that point. “You’re seventeen.” Clint ducked his head. 

“So?” He laughed nervously. “I mean, Trick and Barney sent me out a few times before we were married. I’ve killed before. I’m good at it.” He looked at Phil with an expression that was both resigned and determined. “I knew what Nick wanted me for, Phil. I mean, I’m not joining SHILED as an analyst.”

“Clint, I…Do you want to join SHIELD?” Clint ducked his head. 

“Yeah.”

“Do you or are you just expecting to?” Clint shrugged. 

“I want to do good. SHIELD does good work.”

“You can do it other ways.” Clint shook his head. 

“I-I want to go.” He picked at the hem again. “The thing is, Phil, I’m not really asking for permission. I-I accepted.” Phil’s anger exploded with the exclamation:

“What the fuck are you thinking, Clint!” Clint glared at him. “I’m not letting you go.” He snarled.

“I’m being responsible and saving a few hundred people.” Clint snapped back, his own nervousness gone and defiance back in full force. Phil had learned that quickly in the first few weeks of their marriage. 

“You call this responsible? For God’s sake, Clint! You haven’t even finished high school!”

Clint let out an ugly bout of laughter. “Come on, Phil. The only reason I’m going to school is because you want me to! I could have graduated out of a specialized program by now or gotten my GED. You think that I’ll want to divorce you because I’m surrounded by normal and suddenly want to have a girlfriend or boyfriend my own age. I mean, yeah sometimes I do but sometimes I daydream about flying or wishing my mom was still alive. It doesn’t mean anything.”  


“I want you to have a chance at normality!” Phil snapped. “That is not the point. You’re not going. I forbid it.” 

“Yeah? And what are you going to do?” Phil rose and punched a wall. In the corner of his eyes,Clint jumped in surprise. Phil took a deep breath. 

“I’m talking to Fury. I’m not letting you go. That’s final.” He looked at Clint and said: “If you go, Clint, I will start divorce proceeding. I don’t care how many hurdles Fury puts in the way for you, I’ll see it through the end.” Clint flinched as if he had struck him. 

“Phil-“ Clint’s voice was weak.

“We’re done talking about this, Clint.” Clint stood. 

“No! You don’t get to do that! Marriage doesn’t work that way!” Clint pointed at him. “You told me that.” Phil couldn’t help his grimace. It was true. “Phil, talk to Fury. Look at the mission. Don’t just dismiss it. It’s very safe- I’ll be using my bow.” He defended. 

“Fine. I will but mark my words, you’re not going.” 

Clint walked back into the bedroom. He turned, “You’re an asshole, Phil!” He slammed the door shut. The fight left Phil. 

Fucking Nick Fury. 

Phil called his friend and received no answer. Fucking active duty Nick Fury. He sat on the couch and watch television without paying attention. He rose halfway through what he thought was a Friends rerun and knocked on the bedroom door.

“Clint?”

Clint didn’t answer. Phil entered. Clint was sleeping; he looked exhausted. Suddenly Phil felt like an idiot for not questioning Fury’s intense training that summer. Of course it had a purpose. Clint had a pretty steady training regiment through out the year. No doubt, Fury had planned to send Clint out while Phil was out himself. 

Only the last mission had result in Phil on medical leave. Clint had told him. Had Clint wanted support? Phil sat on the edge of the bed. He hesitated, then reached out and stroked Clint’s face softly. Clint woke up with a start. 

“Phil?” He looked confused before he remembered their argument. He sat up and glared at him, half hearted at best. 

“We need to talk.” Phil said. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. It’s not you I’m angry at, it’s Nick.” 

“I’m not a kid.”

“You are and aren’t. There are plenty of people your age signing up for active duty.” Phil sighed. “Look, Clint. Let me talk to Fury before you agree to this mission without being able to back out.” He grabbed his hand. “I don’t want you in danger, Clint. I want you safe and as close to normal as you can have before you start SHIELD.”

“I love you.” He said with a desperation that made Phil ache. Phil was all Clint had. If he left him, Fury would turn him into a weapon, like Black Widow and the Winter Soldier. Clint would become Hawkeye and Clint would vanish. 

“I know.” Phil hesitated, and then kissed Clint. Clint returned it eagerly. The kiss left Phil feeling hollow. “Get dressed, we’ll go out to dinner tonight.” Clint smiled. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, your choice.” Clint's smile grew. 

He’d head into SHIELD tomorrow. Phil had a feeling that Clint was going into this mission, protests be damned. If so, Phil was going one way or another, medical leave or no. 

He should have stopped Clint’s training from the start. If Phil ever though he was a good man, he would have reconsidered it them. Phil felt like a failure, as a husband and a man. 

He shook himself out of his stupor. He had a mission to prepare for, but tonight he was going to enjoy his break.


	4. Chapter 4

Clint sulked. His expression a cross between a pout and scowl. Phil watched the pouring rain and wondered if this was Thor's doing. Clint had wanted to enjoy the park, have a picnic, then maybe a movie. A last hurrah before his mission. 

Phil stretched his legs. The mission would continue in spite of Phil's protests. His argument with Fury had not ended well. He would continue on medical leave as scheduled, save for unofficially accompanying Fury on the mission. Then he immediately faced one month of unpaid suspension. 

He knew he was lucky to have a job that paid extremely well. His savings was more than decent of a nest egg and he had auxiliary accounts for several reasons (including going going AWOL). Clint would not know that of course. There things even Clint would not be privy to, even if Phil bad married him willingly. 

Clint stood and went to the kitchen. Phil continued to stretch and heard Clint puttering around. Phil wondered how well Clint would take going vanishing. If Phil absconded into the night with him and assumed one of the various identities Phil had ready for them. It struck him as selfish. 

If anything, if Phil could hold onto one certainty in the marriage was that he had provided Clint stability. There were a lot of things he would do over but that was one aspect of their marriage he was proud of. He had provided it , even when he didn't want the marriage or Clint as his spouse and ward. 

He'd be damned if Nick Fury, SHIELD, the WSC or anyone else threatened that while he had a chance to oppose it. He grimaced at a particularly painful stretch. No, he would not let them destroy Clint or use him like a weapon and not an asset like he was.

He completed his exercise and turned around. He hadn't heard Clint come back, he was surprised to find him sitting back in the living room. Clint was watching him. His eyes taking in more than Phil ever could. Hawkeye was a fitting name on more than one way. A tray if cookies and a glass of milk was on the coffee table. 

Phil simply sat on the sofa. Clint rose and joined him. The patter of the rain stopped. Clint took a cookie and nibble it. With a full mouth he asked, "Were you scared?"

"Of what?"

"The first time you went out."

"Yes. Are you?"

"It's not my first mission." 

"Were you scared?" Clint paused. 

"Yeah, mostly I just wanted Barney to be proud of me. Is that messed up? I wasn't really thinking about the guy but I was wanting to be told I did good. "

"How old were you?" They never talked about this. If Clint had spoken to his psychologists he didn't know. 

"Twelve. I could throw knives and shoot well by then. I used a knife." Clint fisted one hand, thumb extending and feigned a jab toward his throat. "He died. I hid. I was really small." Clint said. Malnutrition, Phil thought but didn't comment. 

"There's nothing wrong with how you felt." Phil said after a moment. 

"Are you scared for the mission?" Clint shrugged. 

"Kinda."

"I'll be there." Phil said. Clint smiled and nodded then went back to his cookies. Phil took one. His teeth itched after eating it. Too sweet. Clint offered him his milk. Phil took a sip. Better. 

"Hey, Phil?" Phil turned to him. "Do you think- I wondered- I mean. It's just that they talk about it a lot at school but never have. It's just-"

"Clint?" Phil worried, what was Clint trying to say. 

"What if I want to go to college?" Phil's brow rose. 

"You want to go to college?" It came out wrong, too biting from surprise. Clint's face fell. 

"Never mind, it was stupid to ask." Phil shook his head. 

"Clint, no. You just never mentioned it." Clint studied his face 

"I always thought I'd be SHIELD but you weren't happy about that and after our fight I got thinking. I mean, I could learn something that is good for SHIELD and useful after I retire."

"SHIELD offers a variety of courses, with its own accredited program." Clint shook his head.

"If-if I wanted to go to a real school?" Phil thought about it. 

"It would depend on the school. We have savings." Clint nodded and didn't say anything else. "Clint if you want to go, tell me. Okay? You still have time to decide." Clint nodded again. 

"Can we still go to the movies? It stopped raining."

"Yes."

Phil went to change. Clint smiled at him when he returned and offered him his coat in case it began to rain again. Phil didn't put much thought into their conversation. It would have to wait for a later time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might rewrite this as I'm not really satisfied with it. Let me know if you have any suggestions for improvement/critique.

“What do you think?” Clint asked nervously. His tactical wear had been created from measurements and modeled once before final alterations had been made. The initial suit had been too baggy despite the measurements, now Clint looked like he was wearing a second skin. The reason it was so tight was that Clint would wear normal clothing over his suit. 

“It should protect you. Just hope you don’t need to use it.” Clint hummed in agreement. 

“Wonder what a real one would look like.”

“You’d have to go on more missions.” Phil stated, his tone clearly showing his disapproval. Clint nodded. 

“I know. Still a thought.” His phone rang, Phil answered. 

“Coulson.”

“It’s time. Get him in place. The rest of the agents know we have brought in outside help but that is all. You’re responsible for him, Coulson.” 

“Understood.” Clint looked at him seriously. “Ready to go?”

“Yes, sir.” Clint answered. They headed out. 

Phil watched the screens, wishing he were closer to Clint, able to provide back up. If things went south fast Phil would be a hindrance with his wounds. Still he was ready to provide backup. The targets were the remnants of a crime syndicate that hoped to go big again with the help of biological weapons. SHIELD had captured and coerced a scientist in their take down. 

However the organization was extremely cautious. It had taken months to even set up the most basic surveillance. Phil now understood why Fury had wanted Hawkeye. They would have prepared for guns, especially the Winter Soldier – best sniper on the SHIELD known catalogue.

“Targets in range.” 

“Take the shot.” Fury intoned. Phil watched nervously as the arrow embedded itself into the eye of the target. The man dropped. His partner reactively turned and an arrow quickly met his own eye. “Targets are down. Agents move in. Kill orders are in full effect. Any resistance is to be met with extreme prejudice.” 

Phil was more concerned with the beacon in the screen moving to the safe house. When signal stayed in the location, Phil moved. He reached the safe house in record time. He entered, coming face first with Clint holding a gun pointed toward him. 

For a moment, Phil could see the agent Clint could be: Fierce and determined expression, body drawn into the living weapon it was, with skills to back up the danger he posed with a weapon in the event he lost it. Clint’s change was almost instant; he pointed the weapon down.  
Clint let out a shaky sigh. “I did it.” Phil nodded. 

“Are you okay?” Clint nodded, his expression more reserved than normal. “Clint?”

“It’s just been a while, is all.” He replied. Phil took Clint’s weapon and pulled Clint into his arms. Clint shook. “Phil, I-I don’t know how to feel.”

“That’s alright.” Clint nodded and relaxed in his arms. Phil steered them to the sofa. Clint hummed contently. 

“Did I do good?” Clint asked after several minutes sitting.

“Yes, it went off perfectly. Couldn’t have been a cleaner mission.” Clint nodded. 

“If I were messed up by this would SHIELD sack me?”

“You’d do an evaluation, SHIELD would see if you were able to take future missions but most likely reassign you in the division. Most recruits do not make it here without psychological evaluation to ensure they can take the brunt of killing. 

“Even then, some agents burn out after a few years. Deadly, but for their welfare they’re contained to relatively mundane roles of administration, training, and so forth. Sometime they return to active duty, often they go one to retire or transfer out to civilian life.”

“Civilian life sounds boring.” Clint said with a chuckle. “I mean I know I’m pretty much doing it but I have training throughout the week.” He sighed and burrowed into Phil further. “I don’t know what’d I do.”

“Whatever you wanted to do.”

“I’d have to go to school for sure then.” Clint added. “Or else I’d flip fries forever.” He paused. “I could always go back to the circus.” He hummed contently. “Most of them are legit now and artsy. I always liked performing. Even if I didn’t shoot, I’m still an acrobat.” He said proudly. 

Phil nodded. He couldn’t see Clint as an account or even a firefighter if he wanted excitement. Clint would still create mock routines and perform them every once in a while, Phil was usually the only one who watched, but on occasion his friends saw the less questionable acts. 

Although a more likely scenario pointed military service ending up right back to an organization like SHIELD, which was what Phil wanted to avoid. Then Clint chuckled. 

“Or a stripper. Got the body for it.” Phil snorted. “Aw, Phil, come on.”

“You’re definitely in shape, Clint, but I can’t see you putting up with handsy women.”

“Or men. Don’t be…sexist?” He wasn’t sure that was the word. Phil laughed. 

They spent the rest of the night at the safe house and when they left in the morning, extracted by Fury himself, it was almost as if Clint hadn’t just killed two men the day before. 

Debriefing occurred in their living room while Clint snacked on a bag of Doritos. Orange fingers left a smudge on one document that had Fury less than pleased. Clint crowed he was not an official SHIELD agent. 

Unfortunately, Fury left with the open door to future ‘consulting’ missions. Phil was not happy with the decision but Clint made a clear argument that it was his choice. Phil did not want to have the same argument again. Clint would make his choice, Phil would have to accept it whatever it turned out to be.

He was called out six times in quick succession during the summer. Each time with a bow and arrow, Clint would take out the targets. They were easy missions, save for the last one. Clint faced off against multiple aggressors that upped his kill count to an even twenty.

Phil set his foot down and stated he needed to go on break to recover. Fury acquiesced. Clint had a bit over two weeks left of summer break. Phil took leave. They continued to their life as normal, before Clint started heading out as Hawkeye. Date Night came; Phil chose a high scale restaurant, much to Clint’s complaints. 

Clint dressed in his dress suit. “We could go to McDonald’s and get like five meals there.” Clint complained as they drove. 

“You’d get grease on your good suit if we did.” Clint smirked. 

“Oh, I supposed your suit would stay clean?”

“I have kept Armani clean in a firefight. I think I could handle fast food.”

“You got my birthday cake on your suit last year.”

“You hugged me with cake in your hand. There are only so many factors I can take into account. My husband with birthday cake isn’t one of them.” Clint beamed. 

“I’ll get five cakes for my birthday. See if you can avoid it then.”

“I’ll make a note to wear jeans.”

“You don’t own jeans.” 

“I do too.”

“You wear slacks and gym pants.” Clint argued. The argument continued until they arrived at the restaurant. Phil paid valet. It was a good evening – a decent meal and dessert (Phil got it onto his suit due to the waiter, not Clint). They left in a good mood. 

They waited in the parking lot while Clint practically draped himself on Phil, demanding attention. Phil had the sensation they were being watched. It put him on edge. He pulled Clint away, chastising him. Clint pouted but fell back in line as the car pulled up.

The sensation stopped when they left parking lot. It made Phil think that perhaps it was just the usual stares when he and Clint were out together. It still unnerved him. The next day he deliberately went out without Clint. 

The feeling did not return. 

It still left him uneasy. 

Clint started school again. Within two weeks he was sent out on a quick mission and came back with a black eye. Otherwise Clint went back to his training schedule and Phil started providing university literature to him. It was their normal. 

He began helping Maria on Avengers work again. They were meeting at Stark Tower. It was an early meeting but only Stark and Hill were in the meeting room when he arrived. Really he was thinking about ordering coffee when the door slammed open.

Barnes entered. Hill began the projector, Coulson turned his attention on the presentation. He did not expect to be lifted and slammed into the wall. He kept his expression passive as Barnes loomed over him. In his peripheral vision he caught sight of Romanoff, looking angry. 

“Agent Barnes, is there something you’d like to discuss?” Phil asked blandly.

“Bucky!” Rogers called as he entered. “Put him down.” 

“Barnes, what is the matter with you!” Maria snapped. “Put Coulson down.”

Barnes snorted, his expression turning to disgust. “He knows exactly why I’m holding him up.”

“I’m afraid I do not, agent.” Coulson replied. 

“Hawkeye.” Romanoff said. Phil went still. 

“See.”

“Who is Hawkeye?”

“Where did you hear that name?” Phil asked. 

“Okay, let’s calm down and discuss this like rational adults. This isn’t going to get us anywhere.” Stark said. “I can’t believe I just said that.” Barnes let him go. The others walked into the room. Barnes placed himself in front of the door. 

“Fine. We’ll talk.” He said.

Romanoff glared at Hill. “You told me SHIELD was nothing like the Red Room. I feel foolish believing you.” Hill frowned. 

“What are you talking about? Who is Hawkeye? I can’t answer you, agent, if I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Phil did not sit back in his seat but stayed by the wall. Watching Barnes and Romanoff. They were going to kill him, he realized, if he didn’t explain this right. 

“Hawkeye is SHIELD’s little child soldier. The first we’ve found. His handler’s Coulson.”

Everyone looked at him. “Coulson, is this true?” What could Phil say?

“Hawkeye has been Fury’s pet project for the past three years.” 

“How old is he?” Hill demanded, her face furious. Phil stopped to think.

“He’ll be eighteen in six months. He wants to go to Hawaii.” He added the last part quietly. 

“Where is he?” Rogers demanded immediately. “How many others are there?”

Phil shook his head. “There are no others. At least, not any I know of. Hawkeye’s situation is unique.” As for the first question, Phil was starting to worry. “Where did you hear that name?” He asked again. 

“We saw him with Fury.” Barnes snarled. “In full gear.” Suddenly he realized what had happened. They had seen Clint and investigated. They had followed them to the restaurant, maybe hadn’t identified Clint as his ‘date’. 

He pulled out his phone, the team tensed at the movement. He dialed Clint. The message went to voice mail. 

“Call me, now.” He fired at text message as well. “There’s nothing I can say that will satisfy you. Hawkeye was being trained as a mercenary when I first met him. Since then has been with me and continued training.”

“Shit, so it is true.” Stark breathed. “You son of a bitch, you took his life away.” Phil glared. 

“You know nothing.” Because how much had Phil given up and striven to give Clint everything he could? Give him normal? Offer him a chance at a life most were never deprived of?

“I always wondered where you went.” Hill added, her voice cold and stern. “You’re still third in command but your missions have decreased drastically in the past few years, their difficulty. You weren’t demoted because you were helping Fury with this.” His phone rang. Phil answered it. 

“Phil?” Clint asked, sounding worried.

“Where are you?” 

“School. Why?” For a moment Phil was silent. He thought about what would be best for Clint. 

“Barnes and Romanoff saw you.” 

“What? When?” Clint’s tone rose sharply. “Where are you?”

“When you were at hq. I’m at Stark Tower.” He replied. Hill signaled for him to have over his phone. Phil nodded. “I’m turning over to AD Hill.”

“Phil-“

“Hill.” She greeted into the phone. Her brows rose at an exclamation Clint shouted at her. “Agent! I will not have you speaking to me that way.” Phil smiled as he saw Hill try to reprimand. A bout of laughter peeling from the phone loud enough that everyone heard it. 

“Coulson! Deal with him.” Hill ordered. Phil decided he was already ruined, what was one more sin in the eyes of the others? He placed the call on speaker. 

“Clint?”

“Phil? Why the hell did you make me speak to her?” Clint sounded angry. Barnes and Romanoff looked surprised at the defiance in his voice. 

“She’s my superior. You’re also on speaker.” 

“Good. Screw you, lady. I’m not a SHIELD agent yet and if it’s you I’ll be reporting if Fury dies, I think I’ll stay away for a bit.”

“Clint-They know about Hawkeye.”

“So?” Clint sneered. “I mean, what the fuck business is it of theirs?” Phil smiled. 

“If I may,” Rogers began.

“Who are you?” Clint demanded. 

“I’m Steve Rogers.” 

“Captain America? Great. More people to prod in our lives. Look, I can’t talk. I have class in five minutes and they’ll take away my phone. I don’t know what you’re going to talk about but I have a pretty good idea. 

“So let me make this clear. If any of you touch or hurt, Phil, I will personally kill you and everyone you love. You won’t see me coming. 

“Phil, I’d tell you to have a good day but it look like it’s going to suck. I’ll see you at dinner?”

“Maybe.” Phil replied. 

“Okay.” He hung up. 

The others stared at him. Phil smiled, his bland agent smile. “I hope you don’t mind that conversation being cut short but education is important.”

“He goes to school?” Stark demanded, sounding incredulous. 

“He’s seventeen, where else would he go during the day?” 

“Enough. Coulson, tell us about Hawkeye.” Rogers demanded. Hill stared coldly at him. Barnes and Romanoff were still tense. Stark look ready to kill him. 

Phil laughed. What could he say? Hawkeye was a ghost Fury wanted to start. Phil could only say what he had seen. He would only be able to tell them about Clint. 

Neither answer would make them happy. 

“Hawkeye is Clint Barton, and he’s my husband.” The room exploded in a cacophony of yells and exclamations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might rewrite this as I'm not really satisfied with it. Let me know if you have any suggestions for improvement/critique.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Slight mention of sexual abuse and physical abuse of a child.

Considering Barnes’ initial reaction, Phil expected another quick assault from him or Romanoff.He prepared himself for them to rush toward him or even try to throw a knife at him.Phil had not expected Stark to surprise him with an undercut. Phil reeled and hit the wall behind him. He dodged the next punch, Rogers pulled Stark back. 

 

“You sick fuck.” Stark had spat as he punched him. 

 

The blow had quieted the roars of outrage. Stark looked like he wanted to skin him and then douse him in salt.Hill quickly took control of the situation, he saw the disgust in her eyes. Phil resigned himself to a long day. 

 

He didn’t expect anything less, truly, he expected to lose the respect and affiliation of people he had hoped to keep and maintain for several reasons. Phil genuinely liked the Avengers and Maria, the rest of the reasons were self explanatory for security and professional concerns.Dabbing at his lip, he wondered how much Clint would actually go through with his threat. 

 

“Coulson, give me one reason why I should not arrest you right now under charges including abuse of power and authority, sexual abuse of a minor and that’s only the beginning.” Hill said. 

 

“Allow me to guess,” Romanoff stated before Phil could say anything. “You’re going to say your actions were legal just like those of the Red Room. That you were simply doing your duty to your country.”

 

“That comparison is inaccurate.” Phil started. “I did not force Clint -“

 

“Of course, not.” Barnes snapped. “When did you recruit him?” He snarled “How old was he?”  
  
“My guess is fourteen.” Rogers added almost at once. “You said Hawkeye was Fury's project for three years. I really misjudged you ,Coulson. I thought you were a good man.” A part of Phil recoiled from the scolding of his idol, another part went on the defensive. “Instead you’re using a child as a weapon.”  


 

 

“Is it an initiative, special project, or all under the table?” Hill demanded at once, continuing from the train of thought. “Where is he, really Coulson? I have a hard time believing a trained weapon is at a school.”  
  
“Don’t call him that.” Phil said, refusing to snap at her. “It is not like that. He is at a high school, a public high school just like most kids his age.” Phil looked over at Rogers. “You’re half right in some ways, Captain. I met Clint when he was fourteen while I was undercover. The marriage turned out to be legal and binding.Maria, half your charges would be dismissed on that fact alone.”  


 

“If you believe that will dismiss all of the charges-“

  
“So you stayed married to keep training him?” Stark snapped at the same time as Hill, he looked the angriest. “You said he was being trained as a mercenary, how convenient it must have been to be able to keep him. Bet you just loved that in more ways than one. You like fucking little boys, Coulson? I’ve met more than one man like you and I’ve brought them all down.

 

“I learned from the best.Howard may have been a horrible father but he did one thing right in making sure people like you went down quick and hard. When he couldn’t they conveniently disappeared or died in tragic accidents.” 

 

Phil shook his head, half surprised that the news really didn’t shock him. He sighed. “Clint is allowed to do as he pleases. He accepted the missions, he accepted continued training. I tried to steer him away from this life but he keeps coming back to it.”  
  
“Right.” Stark answered skeptically. 

 

“Fuck you, Stark. You know nothing.”  
  
“The explain it to us, Coulson. Phil, so far you’ve offered nothing to provide a defense against yourself. In fact I’m having a hard time not punching you myself right now.” Hill said. 

 

“I’m thinking of doing more, like slicing off a particular part of his anatomy.” Barnes said coldly. 

  
“Bucky!” Rogers hissed.   
  
“What he is saying makes no sense.” Barnes defended. “You state he is not a weapon yet he goes on missions. You state he does so willingly  but we have no proof of that. No handler would permit his asset to do as it pleases regardless of the circumstances. It does not keep the asset in line.” He shook his head. “if anything he would be away from this line of work, from this life and be made ‘normal’.

 

“You wonder why he hasn’t wandered away?” Phil asked skeptically. “Why haven’t any of you left?” He turned the question on them.Romanoff and Barnes’ faces went blank. Phil felt his face flush and anger he hadn’t realized he carried come forth in full. 

 

“I’ve been paying years of therapy for him and fucking marriage counseling.” Phil snapped. “You think I like being married to a teenager? I like adults, fully consenting adults.Clint likes what he has here with us. I’m safe.  

 

“I’m passed the point of annulment and I’m actually half afraid of what will happen to him if I do divorce him. Fury wants Hawkeye, he doesn't give two shits about him being Clint.  

 

“You think this has been easy?” He yelled. “Do you think I liked dealing with a traumatized child who expected me to rape him and flinched any time I was near him?He starting trusting me when I beat his mentors with a fucking two by four!Yes, he was a weapon and now he’s a human being with wants and dislikes!

 

“I pulled back from everything for Clint!I’ve given him everything I could to help him have a normal life. I’ve pulled away from my family, friends, and rearranged my entire career for him.” He raged.“So do you want me to force him into fighting, into doing my will well then I’m sorry to disappoint you. I haven’t done that. I’m not kidding myself, he’s not healthy. We’re not anywhere near healthy. Either him or me but this is our lives.”

 

He felt his lip begin to bleed again. He dabbed at it and looked at the blood on his fingers. “Damn it! I have to worry now if he’ll actually kill you. FUCK!” he slammed his fist onto the wall behind him. He felt out of breath. 

 

The room was once again quiet. Rogers began to speak. “What’s his specialty, Coulson?” 

 

“Does he actually have a chance at killing us?” Romanoff asked skeptically.Phil smiled contemptuously.

 

“Hawkeye is a marksman and skilled in hand to hand combat.His range is better than Barnes’.” 

 

“Coulson, I still need to hear more. This explanation has hardly dismissed all the potential disciplinary charges.” Hill said, her voice not any softer. Phil didn’t expect any pity. In fact, he just felt tired and a headache blossoming around his temples, a tension that constricted him like a vise.   Then Hill frowned. She pulled out her phone and answered. “Hill. Director Fury-“ She began and the room went quiet, trying to let the conversation play out. Hill shook her head and walked out of the room as she began to argue against Nick. 

 

Everyone’s attention shifted to him. Phil wished Fury had not called her at that moment. 

 

“Sir, a Mister Barton is requesting permission to gain entry to the tower.” JARVIS interrupted. With a flush of relief, Phil realized Clint had purposely timed this. Of course he would have called Fury and told him to call when he arrived. 

 

“Let him up.” Stark answered at once. “Let us meet Hawkeye.” 

 

“Coulson, I have a hard time believing anything you said.” Rogers said. “A child weapon is reprehensible and marrying him is sickening. A lot of bad men have justified their behavior by stating it was for the greater good.” Phil said nothing. Stark snickered.

 

Hill returned a moment later. Clint still was not there. “What is going on?” Hill asked, knowing something had happened while she was absent. 

 

“Hawkeye is here.” Romanoff said. Hill nodded. A few minutes passed before Phil heard Clint yell:

“Don't touch me!” Phil's head snapped in the direction of Clint's voice. He came into view a moment later with a drink carrier in hand. The guard, Stark's body guard if he remembered correctly, glowered. Phil felt like he was on the verge of a migraine.Clint glared at the room's occupants.

 

He walked to Phil, slowly and deliberately not looking at the Avengers until he was next to Phil. He shucked off his backpack, Phil took it without thinking and placed next to him. Clint frowned and ran his thumb gently over the his lip.

 

“Your lip.” His eyes quickly ran over him. His expression went stony. “Your hand. Who did that?” His tone deadly.  
  
“Forget about it, Clint.”   
  
“Phil-“  
  
“Clint, drop it. Please.” Clint looked unhappy but nodded. He plastered a fake smile on his face.

 

"Got you coffee." He said. Phil took it without thought. "Looks like you need it.” Clint smiled and pulled out his own.

 

"Thank you.” Phil took a sip, almost at the same time Clint took his own. They both grimaced.Without a word they traded off. The overly sweet taste was immediately washed away and soothed his nerves. 

 

Part of it was show, most of it was just habit from having spent the last three years with Clint. "Better?" Clint asked. Phil nodded. "Good."Clint hummed contently. 

 

“You skipped school.” Phil said after a moment, aware they were being watched. 

 

“You think I was going to let you got at it without me?” He retorted. “‘sides, I had a test today.” 

 

“I don’t know why I help you study.”  
  
“Because I’m a pain in your ass otherwise, honey.” Clint said with genuine amusement. Phil laughed, feeling some of his tension slip.   
  
“You could have waited until after school.”

  
“You think I was going to let these bastards have at you alone?” Clint replied looking determined. “You’re my husband.” He said firmly. “You know how I feel about that.” Phil gave a hum of assent. 

 

“Excuse me? Hawkeye?” Rogers called. Clint’s amused expression vanished and he turned, looking deadly. 

 

“Yes?” He asked coldly.“And my name is Barton, well Clint Barton Coulson, Clinton Francis Barton Coulson if you want to get really technically, but that’d get confusing.” Phil didn’t bother with the protest. Clint was playing his hand in full even if it was not a hundred percent true, though it confirmed Phil’s thoughts that Clint was going to change his name to his own. 

 

“Clint, we’d like to ask you some questions.” Rogers amended.

 

“It’s Barton, Captain, or do you mind if I call you Stevie?” Clint said icily. Phil hid his smirk in his coffee. 

 

Rogers grimaced. “Excuse me, Barton.” He said testily. 

 

“Hey which one of you is, Hill?” Clint interrupted. Maria nodded and said.   
  
“I am.”  
  
“Look, I’m sorry for yelling at you. It was unprofessional. This just came out of no where and made me angry.” He smiled politely. “Phil has done his best to make sure I act like a decent human being, that means acting like a professional so if we work together should I join SHIELD or in any other capacity I will do my best to respect your authority.” He said seriously. Hill looked surprised. “I have no issues with your authority as a senior ranking officer or a woman, just so we’re clear.”

 

“Thank you, Hawkeye, I’ll keep that in mind.” 

 

“Good, I’m glad we got that cleared up.” He said with a fake chipper beat to his tone. “And before we start, let’s make on thing clear, you go after Phil and you go after me.Now, what do you want to talk about?”

 

“I suppose we should start with the obvious. Are you being held against your will or threatened?” Hill began. “We can offer you refuge and safety.”  
  
Clint sighed next to him “No. I’m doing this because I want to. All of it, my marriage, school, accepting missions, my training even it is all my choice.”

 

“Has any physical violence been used too keep you in line?”  
  
“You mean by Phil and stuff? No. I mean I’ve had shit kicked out of me a few times but that was my dad, brother, mentor, oh and that mob bass guy. All of that was before Phil.”  
  
“Don’t you mean mob boss?” Stark asked.

 

“No, the boss was someone else. The guy was a bassist—that’s the word!,—- I think he’s doing twenty. Right Phil? I mean Coulson, sir.”   


Phil frowned. “Yes. Maximum security after the trial went to court.” 

 

“Have you ever been sexually abused?” Clint let a dark bark of laughter at that. 

 

“No, I mean one guy at my first foster home got a bit molest-y but Barney made sure he didn’t touch me after I told him. 

 

“See you got to understand. I’m married to Phil because of my brother, Barney.He wasn’t the best brother and toward the end he was awful.He wasn’t always so bad. He used to protect me.” Clint said with a bitter expression. “My brother tried to keep me safe and it destroyed him until I was afraid of him as much as I was of the others.

 

“I know about safe sex and stuff. Phil gave me ‘the Talk’ and my psychologist gave me the ‘Talk-talk’.”  
  
“What do you mean talk-talk?” Barnes asked, looking ready to separate them.  
  
Clint blushed. “Like recognizing sings of abuse, a very more in-depth discussion about consent, um types of paraphilia people have and lots of very kinky stuff put into clinical terms. We did a whole thing on eating disorders too and body dysmorphia because I had food issues growing up. I’m good though.” Clint said with a smile. 

 

“Clint they don’t need that much detail.” Phil added.   
  
“Well I think more is probably better here.” Phil nodded and fell silent again.

 

“What did you become active on missions?”  
  
“This year, I did them voluntarily. Phil didn’t want me to go.” He said with frown. “It was my choice though. Marriage is about partnership but that doesn’t mean the other’s wishes nullifies your own.” Clint said sternly. 

 

The rest of the meeting passed tersely. Any argument they passed against Clint was met with resistance.Phil was never so glad that he had agreed to attend freaking marriage counseling after his ‘affair’ with Audrey.He and Clint were able to present a strong front against the others even if at times their arguments were weak. 

 

Eventually they broke for lunch, all exhausted.Phil and Clint were always in eye sight of one of the Avengers even as they sat off to the side to eat together. When Clint kissed Phil for giving him his dessert, Phil thought he was about to get the shit kicked out of him despite it all. Phil almost punched Clint for the move, it was stupid and he should have known better. 

 

That was until he felt a piece of paper slip into his hand. Phil chastised Clint and watched as Clint crowed and deliberately made of a show of eating the dessert almost obscenely.The others looked away in discomfort. Phil too the opportunity to quickly read the note before pocketing it. 

 

The words left him feeling hallow: Alpha Echo 93?  
  
A question.The words were the trigger to Operation Clemency, the protocol that Phil had helped develop to take out the Avengers in case they turned rogue.It seemed Nick had been keeping up more than Clint’s training in just acrobatics and marksmanship. 

 

“Clint, stop that. You know better.” Clint didn’t miss his cue and whined. 

 

“Come on, Phil.Let me have some fun.”  
  
“The answer is no.” Phil said. Clint gave a dramatic sigh and began to eat the remainder of this dessert in a normal fashion.

 

It seemed Fury worried the Avengers would part ways after today. Phil couldn’t blame them. No SHIELD and the Avengers were going to be on very different grounds for a while. 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Lunch turned out to be a surprisingly long break. Stark took a business call and the remaining Avengers broke off to discuss their situation privately. Hill joined them as their handler, but it was clear her position in the team was warily welcome.  

 

Phil and Clint took the opportunity to use the washroom and regather their composure. Phil, for his part, felt rung out like an old mop despite the fact that he tried to keep it internal. He looked at his fist and knew he had failed to some degree. 

 

“Hell of a day.” Clint sighed as he stretched. “Really would have preferred to spend it at school.” Phil nodded. 

 

“I know what you mean.” Clint walked toward him and looked at him seriously. 

  
“Whatever they want, Phil, I’m not going to go along with it. Are you? Because I like our life.” Phil shook his head in resignation, feel exhausted in ways he didn’t think possible. 

 

“No, for the foreseeable future we’re together.” Phil answered honestly. He might not love Clint in the ways the Avengers and strangers believed him to or the way Clint wanted, but Phil did love Clint.He had spent years caring for him, taking care of his needs.Phil wouldn’t have done that without some degree of concern. In all the years he longed for a divorce, still yearned for it, he knew it would end with Clint in a worse position. 

 

Foolishly he had thought, dreamt he could guide Clint away from SHIELD.Once again he had been reminded he had ceded power long ago. Clint had taken the missions and was now taking control of this situation. Phil tried to take charge again.   
  
“They’ll want you to stop.” Clint laughed, a mirthless chortle. “Clint, I think it’s probably a good idea to stop.I know you don’t want to.” He said immediately as Clint protest. “They could do pretty serious damage to SHIELD’s reputation, which means you’re missions will either become nonexistent or incredibly dangerous. They wouldn’t even have to reveal our situation to the world, just the right rumors and phrasings to the right organizations would start the wheels to limit SHIELD’s power.”  
  
Clint sighed. “I know.” He bit his lip and looked nervously at him. “You could get blacklisted across the board and fired from SHIELD, maybe.”  
  
“I would hope not.” Phil said with a smile. “Our savings isn’t that great.” Clint laughed. 

 

“I’d become a merc.” Clint said seriously. “I know I could do more but if we needed money, our skills are more valuable there. Short term jobs still pay well.” Phil smiled. 

 

“They’d love that. We’d become villains on account of their actions. ” He stretched his back, feeling more himself. 

 

“That sounds like the worst origin story ever. It’s not exciting or thrilling or even started because we’re evil. Hawkeye and ––Phil what was your call sign?” Phil rose a brow. Clint scowled. “Fine, The Amazing Hawkeye and h-h-his Agent Husband- don’t give me that look we’re doing alliteration and stuff in English—We’re just broke, not evil.” Phil chuckled. Then looked out the window, the day was passing so quickly and they had done nothing.

 

“Have you given another thought at college?” Clint nodded. 

 

“Yeah. I mean, SHIELD’s taken a lot of my time but I have. I brought it up, Phil. I’m not just going to forget.” He said with a smile. Phil nodded. 

 

“Where do you -“  
  
“We’re ready.” Barnes said at the same time. Clint nodded. He gave Phil a resigned look, which vanished as he turned around, and they headed toward the boardroom. Phil wished they could talk in the open space they had eaten.The boardroom made him feel claustrophobic.

 

The boardroom was no less stifling than before lunch. Clint glowered at the Avengers and sat down. Phil wanted nothing more than to have the day end as it was but neither of them expected to be let out so easily. Rogers took lead then, Hill sat looking at him with disappointment in her expression. 

 

“I think we can all agree this morning’s conversation has been insightful.” Rogers began as the other Avenger watched him icily. “However more questions have been raised than answered. The Avengers cannot trust SHIELD as it once did.We agreed that this is best kept between us.” Hill spoke after him. 

 

“I would like nothing more than to bury so deep, Coulson, you’d wish you never had heard of SHIELD but that’s not really an option. Unless we find evidence of more child soldiers, we have an unusual situation that we have to prevent from happening again.”  
  
“And believe me, I looked or should I say JARVIS looked.” Stark said in her pause of breath. “Can’t find a single shred of evidence of soldiers but just traces of Hawkeye, specialized weapons, suits, and a few expenses that can’t be quite explained away.” He looked like he had swallowed a toad. “What he found supported Clint’s telling of the events. If SHIELD is doing child soldiers it’s certainly waiting a while to do so.”

 

“Nonetheless,” Hill continued. “we still must address the situation in a way that doesn’t endanger Hawkeye.”  
  
“You can just call me Clint.” Clint said. “I don’t use Hawkeye a lot. Just Clint, I mean just you though. Captain Presumptuous has to call me Barton.” Rogers shot a withering look to him. Phil hid his smile, he shouldn’t feel so good at having his hero feel like a jackass but he would use the day’s events as an excuse to behave that way.

 

“We’d liked to speak to Barton alone.”Rogers told him. Phil frowned and glanced at Clint. Clint sighed and nodded at him. 

 

“I’ll be fine, Phil.”  
  
“I understand.” Phil said and rose, wishing they had told him before they had entered. Hill accompanied him.He didn’t expect to simply wait. He was ushered by Hill into a small conference room. She looked over him, an air of authority that had helped her rise to second in command.   
  
“Explain, Coulson. Tell me the mission that got you involved in this. You were a good man, I want to believe you are a good man.Convince me.”   
  
Phil shrugged. “There’s not much to say.” He began telling a synopsis of his undercover mission. So deep with such an element of truth to it that he could not simply leave if it went south. Phil Coulson, legally, had been a wanted man for about a year when he had joined the circus ring’s arms sellers.The result had been a successful mission and a legal marriage. Hill’s expression remained flinty through out the tale and didn’t change once he had finished. 

 

“What happened after? Why did you remain married?”  
  
“Clint didn’t want a divorce. It was simple enough to wait it out or so I thought.I had it on good authority, that he would let it go. Clint was clinging to the last shred of stability he had as his old life was torn to pieces because of me. Hey even lived with Fury most of the year, while he acclimated to a more of less normal life.”  
  
“And you stayed married, he never let go.” Phil nodded. “What happens now?”   
  
“Whatever he wants.” Phil replied honestly. Hill nodded and stood.   
  
“It was a mistake allowing Fury to care for him most of the year. He was trained and didn’t real normality. It probably will ensure he never leaves this life.”  
  
“We’ll see.” Phil said wearily.   
  
“Let’s wait for the others.” The conversation had taken the better part of an hour. Hill and Phil waited for them to finish, when the boardroom door opened Romanoff stepped out. She had a dangerous air about her but didn’t threaten Phil. 

 

“Come in.” Clint looked for him immediately. Phil smiled reassuringly. Clint relaxed minutely. 

 

It was eight o’clock by the time they got home. Clint looked exhausted and didn’t put up any front when they entered the apartment. Clint pulled Phil into the couch and placed himself in his arms. Phil didn’t pull away.Clint would only follow and demand the affection. 

 

“Nick’s going to be pissed.” Clint said after a long moment. “They don’t want me to work as Hawkeye and I don’t want to mess things up for you.” Clint said softly. 

 

“Clint.” Clint shook his head and looked up earnestly at him. “What are you going to do?”  
  
“I said we’d need to talk more. They liked when I talked about college but I don’t want to go if I have to. Does that make sense?”  
  
“You want to do it because you want to.” Clint nodded. 

 

“I still got a year left of school before then. Maybe if I took college classes during the summer I could get done early, three years instead of four.” He looked at him seriously. “I don’t want you in danger, Phil. That’s part of the reason I wanted to join SHIELD.” 

 

“It’s my job, Clint.I’m good at it; if I retire people could be in danger.” 

 

“I know.” Then asked.“W-what do you think about CUNY?”  
  


 

 


	8. Chapter 8

“Look, I can’t go out with you.” Clint murmured into his phone as he walked in. Clint shook his head and kept walking into the office to drop off his backpack. “Because I’m in a relationship already. I like you too but not that way. I’ll see you in class. Okay? I didn’t think-“ He closed the door and Phil shook his head. 

He turned back to the report. Nick wanted his opinion on an upcoming mission in Latveria. He made a note and realized he was leading to the conclusion that Doom should be assassinated. He grimaced; assassinating heads of states was not in their playbook. SHIELD had no business acting like the CIA. Yet he couldn’t think it was inevitable. 

He was distracted when the door opened. Clint came out looking annoyed. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, Marcy wants to go out. We talked about it and she’s fine. Disappointed but she’s good.” Phil nodded. Clint shrugged. “Whatever. Hey what did you think of my essay?”

“Good, I made a few edits.” Strictly grammar as Phil wanted Clint to do his own work. Clint nodded. 

“Barnes and Romanoff were following me today. I think they still think I’m being trained and used against my will.” Clint looked abashed. “So I skipped training today and had a really expensive dinner. Um, I need lunch money.” Phil rolled his eyes.

“I’ll get it in a minute.” He replied. “Can you tell me what you think about this?” He handed Clint the file. Clint began to read, Phil stretched and went to get a drink form the kitchen. 

“Doom’s a dick.” 

“Aside from the obvious.”

“Doom’s a dick that needs to go down.”

“Yeah, that was my impression too.” Clint smiled and walked toward him. “How was school?”

“Good. Boring. The usual. I can’t wait for break.” 

“Your birthday is coming up.” Phil said changing subjects. 

“Hawaii is out?” Clint asked disappointed. 

“No, but do you want to go over the weekend or wait until winter break.”

“What are you, stupid? You know my answer!” Clint grinned and looked dreamy, no doubt thinking of warm beaches while New York froze. 

“I’ll get the tickets then.” 

“Sweet. Has Nick spoken to you? He hasn’t since, well you know, the Avengers and Hill.”

“Yeah, he’s keeping you out of any active missions for the moment. Hill is basically black mailing him to comply with their wishes to become a more independent organization.”

“Thank God, Stark is a billionaire or else that plan would fail if he cut them loose completely.” Phil nodded. 

“Banner and Thor want to meet you too.” Clint made a face. 

“I’m going to just go rogue. Fund my early retirement. Then I can just scream and run away when shit goes down like everyone else.”

“I would rather not have to shoot you.”

“I wouldn’t do it as Hawkeye and you’d help me get away.”

“What other 17 year old marksman exist with just a good as aim at you?”

“Right, I’m still young. Maybe once I stop growing. I’ll wear a mask and, like, not use a bow. Maybe a sword? I still have some of those lessons from the circus.” “

“I’m not paying for your supervillain alter ego.”

“Okay, how about independent superhero? I just need funding. I should start a Kickstarter.” Phil laughed, imagining how well that would turn out.

“Fine. I’ll go to school. Hmm, Hawaii. I am looking forward to that.” Clint smiled, wildly. “Shit, Phil. I’ll be eighteen. I’m going to be an adult. I’m going to be an adult.” Phil nodded. Clint sighed happily. 

“First Hawaii, then college, and missions in between if I’m really needed.” He looked at Phil eagerly. 

“What do you think?”

“Whatever you want, Clint. Hasn’t it always been that way?” Clint smiled.


End file.
